There's a song from the musical "Baby" sung by the character Lizzie about what happens to her when she goes out. The written lyrics don't do it justice, but it describes your situation all too well.

----

Lizzie:
I go walking and at once they’re stalking me, the ladies singing their song.
My kid’s showing starts the record going of the ladies singing their song.
Strangers acting like they’ve always known me,
They poke me, they stroke me, they treat me like they own me.
And they’re set to bend my ear the afternoon long,
The ladies singing their song.

First lady:
“The way that you look I’d say that its your first, my dear.
I bet that you feel so proud that you could burst, my dear.
Now as for me I couldn’t wait to feel again… what I felt then.. so I had ten!
My first kid simply popped out like a cork, my dear.
The next they couldn’t pry out with a fork, my dear.
My third was twins, my fourth I don’t remember,
oh no that came first, the twins came in September…”

Lizzie:
I try riding but there’s just no hiding from the ladies singing their song.
My ballooning only brings more crooning from the ladies singing their song.

Second lady:
“My kin were rugged pioneers my hardship they were steeled.
When grandma had my mama she just squatted in a field.
When I learned I was pregnant didn’t want no modern fuss.
So I didn’t count and dropped my kid in the backseat of a bus.
The natural way you can’t afford to miss the natural way.
Just bite the cord like this…”

Lizzie:
Each one desperate for someone to collar.
They jolt me, revolt me, so helpful I could holler…

Third lady:
“Forty-one hours in labor how I farted and I swore.
Don’t laugh don’t laugh its true!”

Fourth lady:
“You think that’s bad they tell me that I screamed for forty four!

Third and Fourth ladies:
“There is no moment in life that’s rougher,
but when you’re through you’ll be then much tougher.
You have a road to fulfill it’s Gods will that a woman must suffer.”

Fifth lady:
“PAIN! The thing that I just can’t stand is pain! I told the doctor PUT ME OUT!

Lizzie:
First one then there’s another coming along.
The ladies, and here’s the message that’s so strong.
The ladies, seems I do everything all wrong.
The ladies…

All:
How can I ever share these feelings?
Where are the words I could employ?
No one but me will know my fear,
For the terrible, unbearable, unsharable joy.

Lizzie:
I’m back walking and again I’m talking to the ladies singing their song.
Their eyes glisten so of course I listen to the ladies singing their song.
Each one worse then the ones that came before ‘em,
They clutch me they touch me I wish I could ignore ‘em.
but we both know that soon I’m gonna be in the throng
of the ladies singing their song!!

crotch dumplings? *shiver*