Jen forwarded me this
Quickie..1
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went fishing.
Quickie ..2
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."
Quickie ..3
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
Quickie ..4
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked."Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
Quickie ..5
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.""Thank God,said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."
Quickie ..6
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen."Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them.You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!" The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving
Comments
At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.
He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult, "Gonzales said. They desire average solutions by means and extremes,and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value.
They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as unknowns, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.".
Posted by: david | August 24, 2006 03:56 PM