There are certain problems I have with public rest rooms, or at least rest rooms that are shared with groups of people. People are fucking pigs. Disgusting, filthy, biohazard, vomit-inducing, pigs. I hate using the bathroom here at work, wanna know why? Because there is some foul bastard of a mother's womb who insists on displaying his nose goblin collection on the walls over the urinal. That's right, every time I go to "see a man about a snake" I have to stare ahead at some god damn, mother fucker's booger's smeared on the wall. What kind of sick fuck do you have to be to do this every day? What event had to occur during your childhood to cause this type of outcome? I can't even being to fathom the depth's of your problems and doubt that any psychologist could help you. You should just kill yourself now before you spawn more booger smearing bastards from your cursed loins. This brings me full circle to people who don't wash their hands at all. Why not just take your dick out and slap it against the door handle for me? Cause that would be great....
At least some people actually wash their hands, and some people even pretend to. But not you mr. two shakes, your life and activities are to pressing to be slowed down by needless sanitation. Why your dick is so important that everybody should be lucky to even touch it's left over residue.
You are so vital to everyone around you, you can't even stop to pretend to wash your hands, or even give a second glance at a moist towelette, you make a beeline right to the door because you have to be somewhere, somehow now or something horrible will happen. meanwhile, I'm at the freakin' door doing my best impression of cirque du soleil trying to open the door handle without touching it with any part of my body I might not want a rash on. In fact, let's just replace the doorhandle with a penis. A big ol' floppy dong to represent what we're really touching.
And while I'm experiencing this little joy of my life, i've got you behind me practically sticking your dick up my ass because i'm taking to long to open the door because I don't seem to enjoy cock as much as you do. God I hope you die. >:|