How to read personal ads
WOMEN'S ADS:
40-ish.........................49
Adventurer.....................Slept with all your friends
Athletic.......................No tits
Average looking................Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful......................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile...............Does a lot of Ecstasy
Educated.......................Banged her Political Science professor
Emotionally Secure.............Medicated
Feminist.......................Fat ball buster
Free spirit....................Junkie
Friendship first...............Trying to live down reputation
Fun............................Annoying
Gentle.........................Comatose
Good Listener..................Borderline Autistic
New-Age........................All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned..................Lights out, missionary position
Open-minded....................Desperate
Outgoing.......................Loud and embarrassing drunk
Passionate.....................Sloppy drunk
Poet...........................Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional...................Certified Bitch
Redhead........................Bad dye-job
Reubenesque....................Grossly Fat
Romantic.......................Looks better by candle light
Social.........................Has been passed around like an hors d'oeuvres tray
Voluptuous.....................Very Fat
Height/weight proportional.....Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate................Stalker
Widow..........................Drove first husband to shoot himself
Young at heart. ...............Old bat MEN'S ADS:
40-ish..................52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic................Watches a lot of NASCAR
Average looking.........Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back.
Educated................Will patronize the shit out of you
Free Spirit.............Liberties with your sister
Friendship first........As long as friendship involves nookie
Fun.....................Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking............Arrogant
Very good looking.......Dumb as a board
Honest..................Pathological Liar
Huggable................Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle.........Insecure mama's boy
Mature..................Older than your father
Open-minded.............Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not interested.
Physically fit..........Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Poet....................Wrote ex-girlfriend's phone number on a bathroom stall
Sensitive...............Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive..........Gay
Spiritual...............Got laid in a cemetery once
Stable..................Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
Thoughtful..............Says "Excuse me" when he farts!
40-ish.........................49
Adventurer.....................Slept with all your friends
Athletic.......................No tits
Average looking................Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful......................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile...............Does a lot of Ecstasy
Educated.......................Banged her Political Science professor
Emotionally Secure.............Medicated
Feminist.......................Fat ball buster
Free spirit....................Junkie
Friendship first...............Trying to live down reputation
Fun............................Annoying
Gentle.........................Comatose
Good Listener..................Borderline Autistic
New-Age........................All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned..................Lights out, missionary position
Open-minded....................Desperate
Outgoing.......................Loud and embarrassing drunk
Passionate.....................Sloppy drunk
Poet...........................Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional...................Certified Bitch
Redhead........................Bad dye-job
Reubenesque....................Grossly Fat
Romantic.......................Looks better by candle light
Social.........................Has been passed around like an hors d'oeuvres tray
Voluptuous.....................Very Fat
Height/weight proportional.....Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate................Stalker
Widow..........................Drove first husband to shoot himself
Young at heart. ...............Old bat MEN'S ADS:
40-ish..................52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic................Watches a lot of NASCAR
Average looking.........Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back.
Educated................Will patronize the shit out of you
Free Spirit.............Liberties with your sister
Friendship first........As long as friendship involves nookie
Fun.....................Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking............Arrogant
Very good looking.......Dumb as a board
Honest..................Pathological Liar
Huggable................Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle.........Insecure mama's boy
Mature..................Older than your father
Open-minded.............Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not interested.
Physically fit..........Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Poet....................Wrote ex-girlfriend's phone number on a bathroom stall
Sensitive...............Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive..........Gay
Spiritual...............Got laid in a cemetery once
Stable..................Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
Thoughtful..............Says "Excuse me" when he farts!